My Life Is Average
by ShiningSugar14
Summary: College AU. Argent, a serious-minded student, gets figuratively kidnapped into a world of hijinks and creative mayhem by Weiss. Went, Shelkero
1. Chapter 1

We can all blame ReadingChick and my roommate for any attention that this receives that ought to be placed into Matchstick, Torch or Why is it So Dark in Here? Not that I think anyone will particularly mind.

I don't own anything except for Cap'n Petey's Pizza Aye-Land, and even then, my roommate co-owns it.

* * *

Argent might have had an actual name to her peers once. She imagines there was a 'G' in it somewhere, maybe a 'D' as well. But, when she started acting in Middle School, she had taken the name "Argent" in the play's program, because she had accurately reflected the role to a T. And a mirror _was_ silver after all, but the name Silver was associated too much with the internet. So she went Latin. She was Argent.

Yes, even with another day on the job at "Cap'n Petey's Pizza Aye-land," her name was proudly displayed as "Lady Cap'n Argent." And she was hating every second of it. But despite the vats of greasy seafood and terrible nametags, the job paid quite well. Actually, maybe it was because of the disgusting food stuffs and humiliating identifiers that the employees were paid so well.

Two men, one wearing jeans and a T-shirt and the other in tight, form-fitting black, approached the podium and, tonelessly, Argent launched into the typical, "Cap'n Petey's" welcome.

"Ahoy, welcome to Captain Petey's, home of the world's briniest shrimp. How may me help you? Ye'll never get me buried booty." On the inside, Argent cringed at the mutilation of grammar and enunciation that the typical greeting contained. If these had been little kids, she would have genuinely and enthusiastically delivered the lines, maybe with an, "Arr!" at the end to truly sell the act. However, these were college-aged men on her nine o'clock shift and they received the lines in a deadpan.

"I remember the last waitress delivering that in a believable pirate accent, don't you?"

"I was nine. I don't remember much."

"It was your birthday though."

"Shall I s-" Argent stopped herself from speaking like a human being and reverted back to pirate lingo, albeit deadpanned. "Aye, I will be showin' you two t' your seats now."

"You didn't ask us if we wanted kids' menus…" The T-shirted man's lips turned up at the antics of his companion.

Argent stared incredulously at the two. "Do you want kids menus?"

For a moment, the two men looked at each other as if this was a life or death decision. Then, they turned back to Argent and, in what had to be a planned unison, nodded enthusiastically and said, "Yes."

* * *

It wasn't until almost two hours later, after Argent had gone back to clear the table and get her tip, when she discovered that they had played all of the games provided on the paper menus, engaged in random tic-tac-toe battles, drawn rather chaotic pictures on the backs of the menus and had stolen the crayons as well.

The situation irked her. It really did. But she figured nothing would be done because she would never see either of these men again.

* * *

Until one week later, at the start of the new semester, a new student had come in with another boy behind him. Argent had swiveled around and, sure enough, the two men from "Cap'n Petey's" (a place that she had, thankfully, quit in favor of a work-study job on campus) were just settling in.

Her temper- a draconic beast that usually slept all day- suddenly flared up. Not only had she had to replace the crayons they had stolen, but this flagrant disregard for attendance and the disruption of the other students was just crazy. Certainly, she might be thinking a bit unreasonably, but she didn't blame herself in the slightest. No, she blamed them, with the taller one's mock-salute to her and the shorter one's twirling finger, signaling her to stop watching them.

At the end of class, the two had picked up their things and left before Argent even had the chance to approach them. Not that it stopped her. Instead, it provided a quick chase. However, it was when she got into the sunlight and stood, blinking, that she realized she had nothing truly legitimate to hold against either of them. So they were five minutes late to class. She had even done that. Alright, so they had stolen a five pack of crayons that had cost her maybe $1.25 out of her paycheck. Was she really going to be _that_ petty over it?

No. No, she was not. Argent spun on her heel and made her way to class, understanding that there had been no real conflict here, but still feeling as if she had lost.

* * *

For a good month, Argent was perfectly capable of ignoring the brothers (She had learned through Shelke that they were, indeed, half siblings) whenever they happened to be within her time zone. That is to say, more or less constantly. She had learned that they were on good acquaintance with Shelke, an underclassman who wasn't completely inept, and that she shared Professor Dakine with them twice a week.

In fact, it was Professor Dakine that had led her to the next conflict. Argent had been proceeding from Drama Club to ask him a question when she heard the mellifluous voice of Weiss and the lighter tones of Nero coming from the ajar office door. Cautiously, Argent peered in.

"-completely legal, sir," Weiss was saying. Argent's face twisted into a scowl. Whenever someone had to justify the legality of their actions, it never led to anything good.

"Besides, it's for our Psychology class," Nero explained.

"Human behavioral studies. And, as you can see, we've cleared it with our other professor. All we require is your signature and we can perform this test tomorrow." There was a rustling of paperwork followed by the pensive rumble of Argent's professor mulling the idea, whatever it was, over.

"Fine. If Leibo has cleared it."

Argent could almost _hear_ Weiss' grin. "Thank you, sir." Weiss walked out of the office, flanked by Nero. Weiss looked at Argent with an expression of either surprise or amusement. " 'Lo,."

"Hello."

"Lady Captain Argent." Weiss gave her a mock-salute. Nero followed after him, giving Argent a genuine wave.

Argent was at a loss for words for a few moments but then, completely forgetting her initial reason for visiting Professor Dakine, she followed after them. "Stop."

Weiss turned around, looking maddeningly casual. "What is it?"

She caught up with them. Yes, what, indeed? "The crayons."

"The crayons?"

"The ones you took from Captain Petey's. You two _did_ purloin them, did you not?"

"Will you make us walk the plank?" A grin slid across Weiss' face.

"Don't mock me," she gritted out.

"Nero, go on ahead, okay? I'll meet you at the car." Nero nodded and, giving a final nod to Argent, walked off to the parking lot. "So sorry. Were they any trouble for you?"

"No," she admitted. "However, my concern lies with the principle of the offense. You do not go around stealing from dining establishments."

"True." Weiss nodded. "Alright, how about this? Help us with a little project we're doing in Azul's geology course tomorrow, and we'll return the crayons with a full signed apology letter."

Argent stared at him. "You are not serious."

"I'm quite serious. Deal?" He put out his hand to shake on it.

At first, she eyed his hand as if he had something dangerous concealed in his palm. Then she shook it. "Fine."

* * *

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Good God, I'm actually writing this. I hadn't expected this to continue. But then it did.

* * *

Argent arrived to bright and early the next morning, having no idea what to expect and being slightly anxious about that. Because Weiss had needed to affirm the legality of his actions, she was expecting knives, shady men in fedoras as fellow accomplices, chemicals stolen from Dr. Hojo's "Not For Student Use" cabinet.

"Just how did you rope me into this?" She asked, upon approaching the restrained, yet gleeful duo loitering outside Professor Dakine's lecture hall.

Weiss ignored her question and just turned his attention to Nero. The other boy was kneeling next to a knapsack on the floor, rummaging around for something. "Nero, you remembered the extra gun right?"

Argent's spine fused. "I refuse to use a gun in an academic setting."

"It's not real. It's not even a water gun." Nero handed her a yellow, orange and blue monstrosity of plastic and a large bag of orange foam darts. She blinked dubiously at it for a few moments. Her little brother had something very similar, if not identical.

"The idea is to shoot students who are misbehaving during class. Texting under the desks, chit-chatting with other students, you get the idea. Azul won't interfere. That's what we were clearing with him yesterday."

For the first time since her college acceptance letter had come in, Argent was at a loss for words. Not only had Weiss just called their professor by his first name- something she had glazed over in yesterday's conflict- but he was also implying that aforementioned professor advocated violence at the misbehaviours of students. Very well, it was fake and rather harmless violence, but the principle still stood.

Then again, this was punishment for slacking off. An institution Argent had wanted in place since high school…

Almost against her will, she felt the corners of her mouth turn up into a smile. Recalling the moment later, she would claim it was the sheer audacity of the idea being presented to her. "You are not serious."

"We're very serious." Nero leaned towards the classroom. "He's begun the lecture. Lets go."

* * *

Only under the threat of extreme torture would Argent admit that the entire stint had been extremely fun. The dubious looks on the faces of her peers, the icy glares that Weiss and Nero delivered in response to the people staring at them. The fact that Professor Dakine would just continue lecturing while everyone in the class would stare incredulously at him.

Argent thought that, after receiving the typed note of confession with both of their names, her ties to the brothers would be quite over with, and she could go back to her dorm. But all of that changed when Weiss, still smirking with unorthodox victory, had turned to her and asked, "So, lets go get food."

"Excuse me?"

"Food?" Weiss leaned against his (and Nero's) car. "The stuff you eat when your stomach is empty."

She recalled the fact that she had already spent an hour at a diner in amiable silence with Shelke Rui that morning. "I've already eaten."

"Come with us anyway. Nero could even get his girlfriend to come along, if you'd like."

Nero cast a withering glance towards Weiss. "She isn't my girlfriend. I'm just her tutor." He shut the trunk (a location where Nero had stored the Nerf guns) and walked over to the passenger side doors.

"I'll treat," Weiss continued. "Besides, you look exhausted and Denny's has coffee that could revive the dead."

At the back of her head, a small voice said, "You don't have anything to do until noon anyway. Go."

* * *

After only 30 minutes of silent observation, Argent felt that she had a fairly clear picture of Weiss' personality. He was outgoing, making small talk with the waiter who took their order. Playfully bizarre (or bizarrely playful, depending on how you saw it and Argent certainly saw it in the latter context), as evidenced by his banter with Nero and, perhaps, _just_ on this side of insane.

"Just call her already," Weiss hissed, manhandling his brother in ways that Argent was _certain_ were illegal in most states. Nero made a guttural noise in his throat that might have been indicative of needing a Heimlich maneuver performed. He attempted to throw Weiss off without actually throwing him, which mostly consisted of flailing around with his arms kept close to his sides. Argent raised one eyebrow in silent question until Weiss retrieved Nero's phone from the man's pocket.

"I feel quite violated," Nero whimpered.

"That's what she said." Weiss scrolled through Nero's contacts and frowned. "I thought _I_ was number 2 on your speed-dial."

"I lied. Give me my phone back." Nero extended his hand.

"Ah, no." Weiss pressed speed-dial two, waited for it to ring once and practically threw it into Nero's hand. For a moment, Nero eyed the technology as if it were going to explode before putting it to his ear.

"Hello? Yes, it's me… Yes, I know you're in class. I apologize. … Well, actually Weiss called you." Here, Nero shot a look at his brother who gave a cocky smirk in response. "I have no idea." Nero turned his attention back to the phone. "Anyway, we're having a late breakfast right now. Care to join us? … Marvelous. I'll see you then." Nero hung up and put the phone back into his pocket.

"Well?"

"Ten more minutes and she's on her way."

"Fantastic." Weiss took a celebratory sip of his orange juice. Nero gave Weiss a sullen stare. "What? Are you honestly going to be angry at me for calling her when you _know_ you wanted her here?"

"No, I just don't think it was necessary to call her in the middle of class."

Weiss shrugged this off. He looked across the table to Argent. "So… How is it that we're in the same year level, I've seen you everywhere I've gone since high school and we haven't spoken once?"

"I was not aware that those were the circumstances."

"They are. I'm in the same year as you. A completely different major though. You're mathematics, right?" She nodded. "You see, I'm in a science, so it makes sense that we don't have that many classes together. But our social circles overlap a bit. You know Rosso, don't you?"

Argent inwardly cringed. She had been Rosso's roommate last year. For lack of better terms, it had been hellish. The most common response Argent gave people who inquired further was the response of, "I am sane, and she was far from it." Also, Rosso's general promiscuity had bothered Argent to a high degree. Okay, so it was probably an average amount of promiscuity in a college-aged woman, but she still didn't appreciate being ousted from her dorm room every time Rosso brought her accomplice in.

To Weiss, she simply said, "We've roomed together."

"My apologies," Nero muttered, still building a small tower out of sugar packets. "She's out of her mind."

"Very much so."

"I think she's interesting."

"Psych major," Nero murmured under his breath, as if a normal speaking volume would collapse the tower that took up about the diameter of a plate and came up to his collarbone.

"Chem tutor. I'm sure you'd like to… Form something stronger than hydrogen bonds in those lessons." Nero's pianist's fingers fumbled and sent the entire contents of the tower scattering across the table. Nero's eyes slithered in Weiss' direction just as the door to Denny's opened.

* * *

Ahaha… Yeah. I have no concrete idea where this is going. Stuff to look forward to: Double-majoring!Shelke, jealous!Argent, a Shelkero subplot and a Rogeal (thanks, Medli) subplot. All of this is in the oven.


End file.
